5 Stages Of A Rebound Relationship (And 3 Truth Bombs) - Max Jancar (2022)

5 Stages Of A Rebound Relationship (And 3 Truth Bombs) - Max Jancar (1)

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A rebound relationship is a relationship we enter right after or soon after our breakup to suppress or escape our pain and feel less lonely or to make our ex jealous, get revenge, and prove to them how much better off we are without them.

For these reasons, it’s not hard to assume that rebound relationships are shallow, short-lasting, and utterly dysfunctional. But despite that being the prevailing societal notion, it’s not always true. Well, except for the “short-lasting” bit… About 90% of rebounds don’t last.

But what is true (somewhat) is that there are stages to rebound relationships. These stages are identical for both the dumpees and dumpers. (1)

And understanding them helps you become more aware of where things can go wrong in your new relationship, enabling you to better prepare for certain challenges ahead of time.

Or if you’re someone who wants to get back with their ex, it helps you figure out what they’re going through (or could go through) in their new rebound relationship, which makes you able to better predict whether or not you have a chance at getting them back.

Do rebound relationships ever work out

Even though a rebound relationship often forms prematurely and, as I pointed out, with the wrong intentions, it has the potential to turn into a real relationship. And while the odds are slim, it’s impossible.

But don’t dwell on this question too fiercely. As I’ve argued in another article, getting into a rebound relationship is often worth it regardless of how it unfolds.Because whether it fails or turns into a real relationship, it will serve as a valuable experience and lead you to cultivate a deeper understanding of how dating and relationships work.

I know it’s unnerving reading this if you’re someone who wants to get their ex back, but it’s the truth. Rebound relationships will help your ex move on faster, no matter how you look at it, no matter what you do. Whether their relationship works out or not is beyond your control. So let the chips fall where they may.

Another thing you shouldn’t worry about are the signs your ex is in a rebound relationship. As I’ve argued in a previous article, looking for them is a wasted effort because 50% of the time, what you find aren’t signs at all. Just manifestations of your fear, desperation, and neediness that blind you from reality — what your ex is actually going through.

The Stages Of A Rebound Relationship

Below, I’ll go over the stages of a rebound relationship, examine their anatomy, and point out what behaviours and quirks a person can expect in each.

(Video) 5 Stages Of A Rebound Relationship (And 3 Truth Bombs) | Max Jancar

And while these stages can take on a few different forms, they’ll likely take the five-part one I’ve outlined here. At least that’s what I found through my research.

1. The Pre-Rebound Stage

The first stage of rebound relationships begins when a person gets pushed into vast freedom by the absence of their ex. As a result of this freedom, they usually start seeing other romantic prospects — a.k.a., they start dating.

Now, some people start dating out of excitement. Others out of anxiety, neediness, and the fear of missing out on new experiences. The former leads to a realrelationship and the latter to a rebound relationship.

The dumpee and the dumper also have somewhat different reactions during this stage.

The dumpee will have a more challenging time coping with their breakup, and they’ll, on average, grieve longer and more intensely. Whereas the dumper will stop grieving faster, and the overall process will be far less intense than that of the dumpees. There’s even a chance that they’ll feel relieved and elated now that their relationship is over.

2. The Honeymoon Stage

After a person dates for a while, they usually settle down with someone. When that happens, they reach stage two of a rebound relationship — considering that their new relationship is, in fact, a rebound — called The Honeymoon Stage.

The Honeymoon Stage lasts anywhere from 6 months to one year, and during it, a person is unable to get enough of their new partner. They’ll crave talking, cuddling, kissing, and fucking all the time. They’ll overlook their flaws and exaggerate their strengths. They’ll constantly feel euphoric, hyped up, and passionate.

Sometimes this person will become so obsessed with their partner that they’ll start losing sleep and appetite and find themselves with an ungodly amount of intrusive thoughts about them.

These tendencies can quickly become toxic and lead to codependency, jealousy issues, impaired sexual performance, and thinking of the new partner as a “soulmate.”

Thus, a relationship can quickly go downhill during The Honeymoon Stage. Disagreements and arguments can bubble up. Resentment may flow in. And a person suddenly ends up in the next stage of a rebound relationship — reality and conflicts.

3. The Reality And Conflicts Stage

This stage of a rebound relationship is pivotal. During it, a person experiences some much-needed dose of reality.

They’ll consider if their new relationship is suitable for them. They’ll begin to discern their partner’s flaws and imperfections and start making rational judgments about whether or not those flaws and imperfections are something they can live with.

As the name implies, this stage often leads to conflict. And this conflict usually plays out in two ways: a couple resolves and accepts it, or they amplify it.

(Video) 5 Stages Of Getting Back Together With An Ex | Max Jancar

If they resolve and accept it, they also need to stomach that the same type of conflict will probably keep repeating and will keep needing to be resolved and accepted as long as the relationship lasts. Such is the nature of romantic relationships.

But if a couple fails to express their concerns, put up sufficient boundaries, the conflict amplifies. And as a result, they risk launching themselves into the fourth stage of a rebound relationship.

4. The Nostalgia And Comparison Stage

This stage marks the point where a person will start comparing their new partner with their ex. A hallmark of it are thoughts like:

  • “OHMYGOD, my ex was also a loud chewer.”
  • “My ex was never so ill-tempered. Maybe I’m with the wrong person…?”
  • “He walks and talks like my ex. I don’t like that.”
  • “She has the same body shape as my ex. I love that!”
  • “My ex would react in the same way in this scenario.”

While there’s nothing unhealthy with comparing a new partner to an ex, and while everyone does it from time to time, it is unhealthy for a person to keep doing it until they begin to reminisce about their old relationship and obsessively miss their ex.

If that happens, the intrusive thoughts that keep swirling around a person’s mind often get infused with growing resentment toward their current partner. These people start to think, “Why can’t you be more/less like my ex!” This is undoubtedly a bad sign for a relationship.

Another trait of The Nostalgia And Comparison Stage is that the more disagreements a couple has, the more they’ll contemplate breaking up. And the more a person contemplates breaking up, the more likely it is that they’ll progress into the last stage of a rebound relationship.

5. The Epiphany Stage

This stage plays out in two radically different ways.

A person either concludes that their relationship is toxic, that they’ve committed to a partner for all the wrong reasons, and that they’ve settled, or they conclude that their relationship is healthy and has the potential of becoming something deeper.

Depending on the conclusion, a person either decides to break up, or to stay and double down on building an actual relationship. At this point, two interesting things occur.

A couple’s love becomes unconditional — they don’t need each other to be or act a certain way in order for love to flow freely. And they begin to form an emotional bond capable of keeping them together despite thankless circumstances: logistics, war, illness, etc. In other words, it’s in this stage that a rebound can potentially turn into a real relationship.

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(Video) How A Rebound Relationship Can Save Your Life | Max Jancar

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What Everyone Gets Wrong About The Stages Of A Rebound Relationship

There are three things many people assume about the stages of a rebound relationship:

  • That they’re different than the stages of a non-rebound.
  • That one progresses from a former stage to the latter without deviations.
  • That each stage can be measured in terms of how long it lasts.

Not only are these things untrue, but they only complicate what is essentially a very simple matter. Here’s the truth behind each of these false assumptions.

1. The stages of a rebound relationship are not much different than those of a non-rebound

For context: Rebound relationships go through 5 stages: Pre-Rebound, Honeymoon, Conflicts And Reality, Nostalgia And Comparison, and The Epiphany. And non-rebound relationships go through three: Lust, Attraction/Obsessive Love, and Attachment.

At a glance, one could easily argue the stages of a rebound and those of a non-rebound aren’t alike. But when you observe the chemicals our brains releases in each stage and the behaviors we display because of those releases, you’d quickly see the similarities. (2) (3)

The only time things get a bit messy is during the third and fourth stages of a rebound, which mark the transitional period between the middle and final stage in the context of non-rebounds. Yet, there are theories out there that make sense of even these sorts of anomalies. (4)

2. The Stages Of A Rebound Relationship Aren’t Linear

Like thebreakup stages, those of a rebound don’t unfold linearly. You don’t suddenly go from, say, The Honeymoon Stage to The Conflicts And Reality Stage. You shift between the two for weeks or even months until you eventually settle down in one.

You can also randomly revert to any previous stage. For example, in only a matter of days or weeks, you can go from The Epiphany to the Comparison Stage and then back to Epiphany.

You can even be in two stages of a rebound at once or adopt elements from two or more of them. For instance, you could be in The Honeymoon Stage but still have countless arguments with your partner that are the hallmarks of the The Conflicts And Reality Stage.

3. The Stages Of A Rebound Relationship Don’t Have A Time Period

I know everyone is obsessed with tracking how long each stage of a rebound relationship lasts, especially the people who want their ex back, but can you just shut the fuck up for a second.

It’s different for everyone.

Some people could stay stuck in a certain stage for weeks. Some for months. Others for years. Nobody has the timelines for each stage figured out. So don’t obsess about it.

Don’t Take The Stages Of A Rebound Relationship Too Seriously

If you’re suddenly bickering with your new partner, it doesn’t mean that you’re in a later stage of a rebound and that your relationship won’t work out. The whole thing could mean absolutely nothing.

(Video) F*ck The Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship | Max Jancar

And if you’re someone who wants their ex back but are worried that it’s going to be impossible because they’re in a particular stage with their new rebound partner, know that it may not be as big of a deal as you think.

So relax. Worry, as every feeling, is fleeting. Whatever is stressing you out now will cease to exist once you stretch your life’s timeline far enough.

If you need more help getting your ex back, check out my Radical Re-Attraction Course. With over 8h of video, 300 pages of writing, and personalized 1-on-1 coaching, I'll walk you through every step of the re-attraction process from start to finish.

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FAQs

How long do rebound relationships last for the dumper? ›

If it's a true rebound, you can expect it to last anywhere between a month to 6 months. For some people it takes a bit longer than that to end the rebound. It all depends on how long your ex and their new partner can tolerate the inevitable decline of the relationship.

Can a relationship work after a rebound? ›

New research suggests that rebound relationships are remarkably healthy when executed correctly. Taking time between relationships to move on isn't necessary for emotional stability. However, one should still approach the dating scene with caution.

Does a rebound help get over ex? ›

Rebound relationships can often help people stop missing their exes. When a person starts dating someone new, their success in having found another appealing person to date can help them feel better about their romantic prospects.

What percentage of rebound relationships work? ›

On average, 90% of rebound relationships fail within the first three months, if we talk about the rebound relationship time frame.

How long does it take for dumpers remorse to kick in? ›

It's difficult to have patience when you want your ex back, but it's a huge mistake to not allow enough time for their dumper's remorse to develop. On average, our successful clients take around three to six months to get back with their ex, and this starts from the time they implement a successful No Contact Rule.

How long will a narcissist rebound relationship last? ›

Hence, it is clear that a narcissist rebound relationship may last only a few months. Some break up after a short fling of two to three weeks, while others end the relationship after the sweet initial phase ends in just a few months.

Can a rebound be true love? ›

Yes, gradually, it is possible that you fall in love with your partner in a rebound relationship. You may discover that you have made peace with your past and you are happily living in your present. You have realised that you share a great rapport with your partner and think of him or her as a perfect partner.

Can a rebound turn into love? ›

It's not uncommon for a rebounding person to feel like they're in love with their new partner. An unhealthy rebound relationship can spark many feelings that are usually associated with being in love.

How do Rebounds end? ›

A rebound can end terribly if: One gets into the relationship expecting the new partner to make up for the shortcomings of the former partner. One gets into a new relationship with chronic fear and anxiety that the new partner will treat them the same way the former partner did.

Is a rebound the best way to get over someone? ›

Clearly, a rebound relationship is not going to be the perfect cure for a broken heart. But it is not the disaster your friends might lead you to believe either, and might come with some psychological benefits. Break-ups are often traumatic, and it seems it is never too early to let a little love back into your life.

Who hurts more after a breakup? ›

They found that women tend to be more negatively affected by breakups, reporting higher levels of both physical and emotional pain. Women averaged 6.84 in terms of emotional anguish versus 6.58 in men. In terms of physical pain, women averaged 4.21 versus men's 3.75.

How long does a rebound usually last? ›

“Rebound relationships typically last between one month and a year, and commonly struggle to last past the initial infatuation period. They are often not based on deep compatibility, so differences can start to strain the connection,” says Stein.

Do all rebounds fail? ›

Some people may enter into a rebound relationship just weeks after a breakup, whereas others might wait several months. Some studies state that 65% of rebound relationships fail within six months, whereas others claim that 90% fail within three months.

Why do most rebounds fail? ›

What is this? Partners who have a lower mate value than yours are easy to get. But such rebound relationships are likely to fail because the higher mate value ex will haunt you. Unsurprisingly, research shows that unrewarding rebound relationships make people feel more attached to their ex-partners.

Do all dumpers come back? ›

If you average all the reputable research on the ex recovery process and chances of getting your ex back, there's about a 43.5% chance your ex will come back without doing anything. Those aren't exactly betting odds. That means six out of ten times you're probably not going to get your ex back.

Does the dumper ever miss the dumpee? ›

In most cases, if you give your ex enough space, they will at some point miss you. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get on their hands and knees and beg for you back. For some the “missing emotion” can be fleeting. For others, all consuming.

How do you make your ex regret losing you? ›

Here are 11 tried-and-tested ways to make your ex regret losing you
  1. Limit contact with your ex, but stay in sight. ...
  2. Don't be the backup plan. ...
  3. Become a better version of yourself. ...
  4. Make them think you're over them. ...
  5. Keep calm and move on. ...
  6. Get successful. ...
  7. Expand your social circle. ...
  8. Evoke a little jealousy.
13 May 2022

How narcissist treat their exes? ›

By remaining friends with their exes, narcissists get to keep all of their former partners on a carousel of convenience: they can create a harem of people to use for sex, money, praise, attention or whatever else they desire, at any time.

How do you know if a narcissist is finished with you? ›

There are early sometimes subtle signs the narcissist may be finished with you and more obvious absolute signals. The narcissist often ignores what you say almost as if you never spoke. The narcissist stops texting back to you or delays for days. The narcissist does not make eye contact with you.

Do narcissists miss their ex? ›

Do Narcissists Miss Their Exes? Yes, but not for the same reasons the average person misses their ex-lover. As mentioned, narcissists only get involved in a relationship if there's narcissistic supply available, if not, they're not interested.

Is it love or just a rebound? ›

Signs it's a rebound:

You have a sense (or even a pervasive knowing) that you don't really like the person, but you're just using him or her to fill the time or distract from your pain. Your primary attraction to the new person is sexual, and you sense that you're using sex as a way to avoid dealing with your breakup.

What to do when you realize you're a rebound? ›

Here's what you should keep in mind when getting over someone who used you as a rebound.
  1. Do Not Let Yourself Be The Victim. ...
  2. Control The Story Of Your Rebound Relationship. ...
  3. Your Perception Of The Relationship Is The Truth. ...
  4. Talk Back To The Voice That Says You Are Unlovable. ...
  5. Lean In To Your Fears.
23 Oct 2017

Why do Rebounds move so fast? ›

Rebound relationships tend to be quick and typically don't last long. This is because rebound relationships are usually not built on a solid foundation, and one person is entering the relationship in response to the feelings they have about their breakup rather than because of their interest in the new person.

How do you know if its a rebound or real? ›

Signs it's a rebound:

You have a sense (or even a pervasive knowing) that you don't really like the person, but you're just using him or her to fill the time or distract from your pain. Your primary attraction to the new person is sexual, and you sense that you're using sex as a way to avoid dealing with your breakup.

What are the dangers of a rebound relationship? ›

This puts you at a greater risk of being manipulated by people who will make use of your propensity to hook up, to engage in sex, and other impulsive relationship decisions because they know you are ready to do anything to secure a partner.

Why is my ex in a rebound relationship? ›

One of the most common reasons for an ex to start a rebound relationship after a bad breakup is because the breakup pain was too much to handle. Even if they broke up with you, they still suffer through the grief that one feels after losing someone special in their life.

Do rebounders regret? ›

Instant Regret

As more conflicts arise, the rebounder eventually loses feelings for their partner. The end of this relationship, too, makes them feel emotionally wounded. So, to heal this wound, they again go out to seek love and comfort from other people.

Do dumpers go through stages of grief? ›

These two are two different approaches from one another. The dumper and the dumpee, both go through pain, anxiety, fear of loss, jealousy, hate, and reconsideration through different stages. That's why during the No contact the dumper and the dumpee swap the feelings interchangeably.

How long after a relationship is a rebound? ›

"Most people need a month or two to process the breakup, to mourn, and to integrate lessons before jumping back in if they were in a fairly serious relationship," she says. If you dated someone for a year or more, you may need three to four months.

What does a rebound relationship look like? ›

A 'rebound relationship' is a reactionary relationship that is inspired by the unhealed wounds of a previous one. It is a romantic relationship that is warped by unresolved issues, pain, and unresolved grief from one or more previous romantic entanglements. It is using other people as a Band-Aid to cover our wounds.

How long does it take for a man to miss a woman after a break up? ›

So, a few weeks to two months is the answer to the question, “How long does it take for a guy to miss you?” Typically, men realize what they lost when they can't find a woman with their personality. By then, they learn not all women are the same, and they shouldn't have broken off the relationship.

Why silence is powerful after breakup? ›

There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.

How long does it take for someone to miss you? ›

Today we're going to talk about exactly how long it usually takes for an ex to miss you after a breakup. In fact, based on our research you can expect the average ex to begin missing you anywhere between 2.5 to 5.2 months after a breakup assuming you put forth signals that you are “moving on from them.”

How long is the rebound phase? ›

A study shows that 90 percent of the rebound relationships fail within three months. In a normal relationship timeline, it takes time to lay the groundwork for deep love to take root. Just as it takes time to grow love, it takes time to get over a former relationship.

How does the dumper feel after a month? ›

The dumper, after a month, feels either elation or regret. It completely depends on how real the relationship was. If the relationship was real and both partners have put in the effort then there will be regret. On the other hand, no effort or abuse leads to a very happy dumper.

Should the dumper reach out first? ›

“Some other experts say if you were the one who was dumped then you should never initiate contact after a breakup. It should always be the dumper who initiates.

Do rebounders regret? ›

Instant Regret

As more conflicts arise, the rebounder eventually loses feelings for their partner. The end of this relationship, too, makes them feel emotionally wounded. So, to heal this wound, they again go out to seek love and comfort from other people.

Can a rebound be true love? ›

Yes, gradually, it is possible that you fall in love with your partner in a rebound relationship. You may discover that you have made peace with your past and you are happily living in your present. You have realised that you share a great rapport with your partner and think of him or her as a perfect partner.

Why has my ex moved on so quickly? ›

Some take time to recover while others recover quickly. In fact, those who get into the so-called rebound relationships tend to move on quickly from a breakup. It doesn't necessarily mean the previous relationship meant nothing to them. They probably moved on quickly for their mental well-being.

What to do when you realize you're a rebound? ›

Here's what you should keep in mind when getting over someone who used you as a rebound.
  1. Do Not Let Yourself Be The Victim. ...
  2. Control The Story Of Your Rebound Relationship. ...
  3. Your Perception Of The Relationship Is The Truth. ...
  4. Talk Back To The Voice That Says You Are Unlovable. ...
  5. Lean In To Your Fears.
23 Oct 2017

Does the dumper ever miss the dumpee? ›

In most cases, if you give your ex enough space, they will at some point miss you. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get on their hands and knees and beg for you back. For some the “missing emotion” can be fleeting. For others, all consuming.

Does the dumper ever regret? ›

Generally speaking, some dumpers regret their decision to break up only weeks after the incident. Other dumpers need years to feel that way. And some never even arrive at the final stage of dumpers remorse. Instead, they move on to someone else — be it a rebound or not.

Can the dumper be heartbroken? ›

In short, yes, but their grief is going to be different because if the dumper is an avoidant they've come up with all these coping mechanisms to suppress how they're feeling. Think of it like a more agonizing process that on the outside might not look like they're grieving at all.

How does no contact affect the dumper? ›

The psychology of no contact on dumper will give you the time and space to think about your plans and what you want to happen in life, even if it means that it will no longer involve your ex. You have to use this time to get your mind thinking properly.

Should you text the dumper? ›

Today we're going to talk about if the dumpee should ever contact the dumper after a breakup. The quick and short answer: Yes, in fact I'd encourage it but only if a certain set of criteria is met. And that's what this article is about, showing you the criteria in which the dumpee should contact the dumper.

Why is silence so powerful after a breakup? ›

Staying silent can also help you feel empowered. You're taking charge and showing your ex that you're capable of and willing to live life without them. Whether you're the one who was hurt or the one who ended it, cutting off communication after a breakup puts you in control.

Can a rebound come back? ›

If you were your ex boyfriend's rebound relationship then it is possible to get back together with him, but the two of you are both going to have to deal with your emotions in a healthy way because people entering into a rebound relationship are— by definition— emotionally unavailable.

Why do rebounds fail? ›

Rebound relationships are often doomed to fail because they're based on unhealthy motivations, such as trying to avoid being alone or healing a broken heart. Before entering into a rebound relationship, it's important to take time for yourself to process your past and make sure you're ready for a new commitment.

How long after a relationship is a rebound? ›

"Most people need a month or two to process the breakup, to mourn, and to integrate lessons before jumping back in if they were in a fairly serious relationship," she says. If you dated someone for a year or more, you may need three to four months.

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